Every year in Europe, there's this event called the EuroVision Song Contest. Basically, it's a competition amongst all the countries in Europe to write and sing a song.

Every country gets 12 votes, each with a number of points. The highest vote is 12 points, the lowest vote is 1 point. They vote for other countries and the country with the most points wins. Simple.

Well, sort of simple. It gives rise to all kinds of funnies. The French never give 12 points to the British, who themselves never give 12 points to the French. Most of the time, they just completely ignore eachother and vote their 12 points for Ireland instead. Which, apart from Johnny Logan, is one of the reasons why Ireland has won it a record-breaking 8 times.

The votes are announced first in English, then in French. Sort of like "Germany, 12 points. Allemagne, douze pwah".

So, this year, somebody thought that it would be a good idea for Ireland to continue her record breaking trend. They did this by being the first ever country to enter a non-human artist (but, judging by some of the entries I've seen over the years you do have to wonder).

Anyway, his name is Dustin and he is a turkey glove puppet. Reminds me an awful lot of Roland Rat in the 80's, except a lot more Irish and a lot cheekier. His song was called "Ireland a Douze pwah" (12 points for Ireland).

It caused a bit of an uproar in Ireland as well. I mean, this is the country where Johnny Logan hailed from and it was firmly into two camps. There was the folks who thought that it was a proper laugh, a real satirical piss-take on how the Eurovision is only a bit of fun. Then there were the "What? you've entered a fucking turkey?" crowd. And never the twain shall meet.

As it turned out, Dustin didn't get the douze pwah has was hoping for which is a bit of a shame - if only for the cheek. That said, it put Eurovision back on the news and in the headlines and, whatever some people think about a puppet entry, that's got to be a good thing.

Speaking of dodgy entries, I got a Dakar entry pack through the post this week complete with application forms and all that good stuff. The world is very firmly split into two camps on this one too. On the one hand, there are the people who think "definitely, a small bike with excellent fuel consumption - smart idea". Then there are the people who think that "it doesn't matter what colour the bike is, as log as it's orange. With lots of power". The "who says it can't be done?" approach versus the "it's always been done this way" approach.

Spoke with Martin tonight about cornering, and what we're going to do to get my speed up. Ideas varied from replacing the front sprocket with a larger one all the way to the approach used in the film "Speed" - set a bomb to explode if the bike drops below 50mph - and some various bits of silliness inbetween. The idea of tying a hungry rottweiler to the back of the bike as, em, "motivation" was also suggested at one point.

It's a tough one to be sure but, apparently, it's something that is very common in racing. You notice this gradual improvement over time until, one day, you hit this plateau and nothing gets much better and it's all kind of flat. This lasts weeks or months and then - bang - you suddenly find an extra 2 laps from somewhere and you're at the next level. It is a magic thing, weirdly instantaneous when it happens. Apparently.

In the meantime, we just keep getting ths bike time in. Oh, and despite my brimming confidence and puffy chest, I am reliably assured by Martin that my whole "not falling off" thing is nothing to be proud of - it's just the better weather making things more grippy. By September, I'll be back on my arse again. Hopefully though, I'll be doing it quicker by then.

And speaking of very quick on the ball - Dustin's WikiPedia entry has already been updated to say that he lost in the semi-finals on 20th May. And it was only a few hours ago.

Dustin is no stranger to getting beaten in the polls. In Irish elections, there is no entry on the ballot paper for "None of the Above". So a lot of people would write "Dustin The Turkey" on their ballot paper and put a cross next to it. Dustin has ran a couple of election campaigns himself - his most notable election promise was that every Irish boy would be allowed to go on a date with the Spice Girl of their choice.

I think that the guy who had the last laugh on all this lot though was the pupeteer who can claim to have entered the Eurovision song contest by sticking his hand up the arse of a stuffed bird and waving it around in time to the music. What a great way to earn a living.

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