Well, everything except the blood then.

I was a bit tearful when I left AJP tonight - we'll come back to this in a bit.

We had an Enduro Africa day today - 5 guys in all - who are heading off on Enduro Africa in October. Apparently, Martin and I are going too. The details of this are still being worked out but, I am told, job's a good un.

As usual when we've got a bundle of people, we split into two groups. Martin tore off ahead with the guys who had experience, and I toddled along with the novices. Well, I say "toddled", but it was a bit quicker than that.

I had Calum, Johnny and Dave. Calum was a huge Scotsman who taught people how to drive articulated lorries and he rode up from Brighton on a Super Blackbird with his Missus on the back. Enormous guy - I'd easily fit into one of his legs - spent 10 years in the Navy. Dave - from Leamington Spa - worked for Accenture, and flew all over the place working on projects and stuff like that. Johnny - who fewl in from Northern Ireland - worked for the British Standards Agency. He had some particularly amusing tales about how they tested condoms.

So, that was us. A Scotsman, and Englishman and an Irishman go out riding on Salisbury Plain.

It had been raining - and the rain was on and off all day - so it was slippery. Very slippery indeed. Martin had been in since 6am fixing the bikes - I got there about 8am - and he had been gracious enough to put new back tyres on them. No slicks today.

Coming round the woods where I nearly bashed the Police car the other week, nobody fell off. This is a good sign. I always use that particular corner to gauge who we've got out, and nobody fell off.

We introduced the guys to ruts, and the body english needed to deal with them. There was much sore arses, mostly due to the slipperiness and the fact that the long gras had overgrown the ruts. "When you get in a rut", I explained, "stay in it. You go where the rut goes. No exceptions. Attempt to steer out of it and you'll fall off". They understood and they took it in.

I showed them how to skid - front wheel and back wheel - whilst the bike was moving. I explained that it was crucial to be comfortable with the bike skidding underneath them. They roosted their way up the long gravel track like they had done it for years. I saw the back ends snaking as they flew up, and could see the grins when we got to the top.

We introduced them to roots - wet roots - and the guys soon realised how fearsom these little buggers could be. Tiny little matchstick roots that could chuck a whole bike sideways without warning. I explained how to deal with these by pulling the clutch in as your wheels went over them - no brake or power - since this minimises the sliding.

Uphills and downhills - how to use momentum in both good ways and bad ways. How to get to the top of a hill with just enough momentum that you coast over the top with the clutch in. I learned that one from Gary Palmer at BMW - almost a year ago now - and it as poseable today as it was then. How to give it 'andful as you rolled down a bump so that you land on both wheels at the same time. Even more posable.

Then into the woods where they could stitch it together. Martin was already there with his two guys - Richard, a Surveyor, and Ian who is a photographer. Ian was on the Enduro Himalaya trip this year and took lots of professional photographs - being published in a book in August.

Both Richard and Ian are keen green-laners and ex-trialistas. They both own enduro bikes and go out a couple of times a month. They were already going round the course we have set out.

As you know, there's a nasty uphill climb in the woods. Dave, the novice, took off round the track just behind Ian - the experienced green-laner. I was watching him, whilst stood with Johnny. I saw Ian go up the hill very stylishly and slickly - giving it 'andful at all the right times and up on his pegs the whole way. Dave, right behind him, struggled a bit but still made it up to the top.

At least, that's what I thought I saw. As Johnny pointed out to me, Dave - the novice - was in front and had all the style. Three hours ago, he'd never sat on a dirt bike.

If you'll pardon me please, I'd like to take some of the credit for this. He rode the bike, he made it up the hill and he did that all by himself. But I'd like to hope, that even in a small way, I got him there.

After lunch, I showed the guys how to handle sticky oozy mud (and there was lots of it). You will all know the technique already - give it 'andful. This lightens the front and drives the back wheel through. If you blip on and off the throttle at the right times (a technique I am still learning myself) then you can sail through muddy whoops easily. By this time, ruts were no longer a problem for the guys - they were just annoying.

Since they were doing so well, I took them to the huge puddle where I normally cook clutches and borrow towropes from travellers. They sailed right through it - Calum doing so at such a speed that he created a bow wave higher than his head and got completely soaked.

On the way back, I took a sharp right turn and we went down a very narrow and slippery rutty track. They came down it at an incredible speed, and nobody fell off. I stopped my bike at the bottom and waited for them to pull up.

As they did so, I could see the grins through the helmets. They recognised the track - it was the track that we had so much carnage on this morning. They were absolutely ecstatic, and simply could not believe how they just rode down it with such ease.

I gave them my Yoda speech:

"Jedis you are now hmm. No more training do you require."

Back to AJP for a cup of tea. Nobody in history, ever, got worse because they had a cup of tea. The guys were beaming and had had the most brilliant day. They will ride a lot more comfortably, a lot more safely and with a lot more enjoyment because of what they learned today - even the stupid stuff like putting plastic bags inside your boots to keep your feet dry. You can't learn experience, but you can learn a lot from the experience of others.

Good judgement comes experience. Experience comes from having exercised bad judgement at some point in the past.

The pressure washer decided to have a bit of hose-related hari-kari and developed a bit of a leak so there wasn't enough pressure in it to get the stubborn mud off all of the bikes. Martin and I started dismantling it and then decided that, actually, it wasn't the problem we were here to solve.

All packed up and ready to leave, Martin set about trying to bludgeon me with a fistful of munny. He knows our situation, and really really really meant well. He wants me to take munny for trail riding and - to be honest - he is such a nice guy that he probably feels really guilt that I don't.

I couldn't take it. I felt sick. I knew that I should - and to some extent knew that I must - but I couldn't take it. I just couldn't bring myself to take it - it made me feel sick.

Human beings have this in-built guidance system. It's your emotional guidance system. Emotions have many names, but your emotional guidance system only understands two types - good emotions and bad emotions. When you feel good emotions, you are on track with your core beliefs. When you feel bad emotions, you're not.

Martin stuffed the munny into my boots and told me just to take it. I stuffed it into his boots and told him to fuck off. I really was feeling quite upset. Being torn between the knowledge that I should take it, and the sickness I felt, was really giving me a bit of grief. I opened his car and put the money in it and closed the door. No words were said - it was all in the look.

He could see that I was hurting. Not hurt, or offended, but hurting. I could see that he was a bit embarrassed and - probably - a bit offended. We parted company still smiling, and looking forward to our 2-day adventure on Thursday and Friday next week.

As I was driving away, I started to cry. Again, there was this almighty tearing going on. Martin takes money from people for trail riding, I help in trail riding, and Martin wants to give me munny for that. I can get my head round this.

But Martin has been very kind to me. He has taken me from - only a year ago - not being able to do shit on a bike to being able to ride enduros and fix the bikes I break. I did a clutch a couple of weeks ago - I could never have done a clutch on my own. I did braked this morning - bled them and everything - and could never have done this a year ago. I have an opportunity to go to Enduro Africa - thanks to Martin - and last week I rode an enduro that I didn't pay for on a bike that wasn't mine.

Enduro riding has helped me out of the dark. Martin is the guy who has coached and mentored me to this point.

I cried because I knew we could do with the munny, and I felt really terrible that I wasn't able to take it. I felt terrible that I had offended Martin. I just felt awful. What a state to get into over a couple of shekels. Pathetic.

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