Perspective

Long, long time ago, a guy called Homer wrote a book. A long book.

Nowadays, we use that book as an indication of what was going on back then. How people lived, who was who, that kind of thing. We use Homer's descriptions of what was going on to make assertions about what life was like.

Roll forward a couple of thousand years. Arachaeologists in the year 5008 find a couple of books. One of them is "Star Wars" by George Lucas. The other one is "Lord of the Rings" by J.R.R. Tolkien. They then use these books to identify what life was like in 2008 for you and me.

They conclude that 2008 was a pretty troublesome time for us lot. The Jedis were at war with Mordor, but the Hobbits - and their lightsabers - took on the invincible Death Star of Sauron armed only with a ring called R2-D2. Aragorn, son of Obi-Wan, was the true King - but he first had to defeat Darth Gollum before he could fly off into space with Princess Leia Arwyn, and then get on with the serious business of having babies called Luke and Frodo.

Or something like that.

Or they might even, somehow, stumble across my blog. They might stumble across the 30 kilos (count them) of blog that my Ma has got printed out. They'll conclude that we lived in a world where strange primitive vehicles called "motorcycles" were the dominant religion, and that disciples of this religion made a yearly pilgrimage to the holy city of Dakar.

Those who followed the religion of "motorcycles", and who worshipped the god of "Dakar", were at war with a group who followed the religion of "rambling" - they worshipped a god called "Roaming".

According to Homer, the Greeks went to war with the Trojans because Paris fell in love with the beauty of Helen, and ran off with her.

So, when the war between the "Motorcycles" and the "Ramblers" came, it was started over the age old favourite of love and beauty. A beautiful goddess called "Countryside" couldn't make up her mind about which one of the two suitors she would marry. Both loved her dearly. The "Ramblers" were very gentle with her, but the "Motorcycles" ravished and tingled her in a way that made her feel like a real woman.

The poor girl was absolutely torn. She thought that she could share her pleasures equally between them, that there was more than enough for everyone. But neither the "Motorcycles" or the "Ramblers" were having any of it. Both of them wanted her undivided love and attention. Both of them wanted her to be theirs and theirs alone.

The two armies assembled, and met at the top of a hill called "The Law". The battle was led by two main divisions - the elite soldiers of either side. The Trail Rider's Fellowship (or TRF) were the special forces of the "Motorcycles". They wore fearsome masks, known as "helmets", and had impenetrable body armour. The vanguard of the "Ramblers" was a group of hardened warriors known as "The Ramblers Association". They wore a garment known as a "kagoul", which struck fear into the heart of their enemy. They made themselves look even more sinister using headgear known to their enemies as a "bobble hat".

It was a bloody battle that went on for years. Inch by painful inch, the "Ramblers" took territory from the "Motorcycles". Their main weapon was an indestructible device called "Saving the Planet".

One day, as the battle was raging, everybody looked up at the sky - which had suddenly gone very very dark. A massive asteroid, about to smash into the Earth, had blotted out the sun.

In that instant, both of them realised that their massive war was - on a galactic scale - nothing more than a petty squabble.

That's one for the archeologists of the future to think about.

Democracy is two wolves discussing with a sheep what should be on the menu for dinner.

Free will is a heavily-armed sheep asking them to reconsider their decision.